


Inevitably Loving You

by occultclysms



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Domestic, Enemies to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Government Conspiracy, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Yearning, at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25909831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/occultclysms/pseuds/occultclysms
Summary: As the most eligible son of the Qian family, it falls to his royal highness, Prince Kun Qian to be the subject of the arranged dating scandal. This is how he meets his new fake 'boyfriend,' American actor and bisexual heartthrob, Johnny Suh. Johnny looks like your stereotypical all-American golden boy on the outside but behind closed doors and away from the cameras, the diva comes out and Johnny makes his disgust for the monarchy— and everything to do with it, including Kun— very clear.Kun can only pray for the day he's told they can call it off.
Relationships: Suh Youngho | Johnny/Qian Kun
Comments: 20
Kudos: 184
Collections: Johnkun Fic Fest Round 1 (2020)





	Inevitably Loving You

**Author's Note:**

> #H044 for JKFF

This isn’t ideal. Kun frowns as he reads over the memo in his hands. He really should be staying at home and pushing for civil rights rather than trying to save face by having a _dating scandal_ of all things. Kun sees that there’s a name on the memo of the person he’s supposed to go hook up with– in _Los Angeles_ of all places.

Kun opens his laptop and while he waits for it to boot up, he sighs. Here he is, in his office in the Imperial Palace of his family— the _royal_ family. He taps his fingers along the fancy wooden desk he sits behind day in and day out, drafting laws and handling meetings. The political life is one Kun isn’t the most fond of, but he feels like he does some semblance of good here, so that’s good enough for him.

“The Picture Perfect Public Servant” as some would say. Except for _one_ thing. It shouldn’t even be that big of an issue, but here it’s being utilized as some sort of marketing tool. Dramatics aside, Kun is gay. And openly gay at that. He’s the most well known gay public figure in all of China which is a lot of weight on his shoulders and _this_ situation is only going to make it look like he sleeps around. At least with the way it’s written.

“This is absurd,” Kun mutters. He types in his computer password and punches the name ‘Johnny Suh’ into the search bar. Upon first glance Kun is a bit surprised that this is the guy the government thinks Kun should pretend to date. He’s an actor— a famous one at that. Kun recognizes him from so many of the romcoms Chenle loves to watch. But checking out his resume, he has more than just romcoms under his belt. Action, horror, mystery. A full fledged actor. So _why_ would he even agree to this? He must know this is only for political reasons and Kun isn’t genuinely trying to find a husband already.

A knock comes at the door and in walks Victoria, Kun’s older sister. She’s already married with a baby on the way and will probably end up being the empresses of China once their parents die.

“Hi, Kun,” Victoria says. She’s visibly pregnant, but it doesn’t make her look any less regal or important. Sitting down across from Kun, she doesn’t say anything for a moment. “So I take it you’ve seen the memo.”

“Yeah, it’s honestly annoying. We are having a slight recession and to cover up the government boosting the economy, I’m supposed to go have a scandal with an _American,_ ” Kun whines. Victoria is the only one who he can really empty all his stresses on. He would hate to burden any of his younger cousins who all live within the palace as well. None of them are adults yet and Kun wants them to cherish their childhood for all that they have.

“But you get why you have to do it rather than anyone else right?” Victoria asks and Kun sighs. He does.

“Yeah, you’re married, Yukhei, Hendery, Renjun and Chenle are all still kids. I’m the only one who can take the hit really, and it won’t even be that much of a hit because no one really expects much from me, because I’m _gay_. Which is wrong, but you know it’s true,” Kun rants. “The only benefit to this is that Johnny Suh is a hot actor.” Victoria laughs.

“Okay, let me see what he looks like. I may be married, but I would like to appreciate this ‘hot actor’ as you say,” Victoria replies. Kun spins the computer around and Victoria fucking gasps when she sees his pic.

“Yes, I know.”

“This guy is insanely good looking, why would he agree to go out with you?”

“You’re so mean,” Kun pouts. “He stars in a bunch of those movies that Chenle likes.”

“Yeah, I recognize him. All things aside, it could be so much worse y'know,” Victoria points out. “Like what if he was an ugly part of congress? Or what if he was _old_?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Kun says, laughing. He’s glad Victoria knows how to lift his spirits. “Okay, maybe I can at least be this guy’s friend in the end.”

* * *

Kun was wrong. Johnny Suh does _not_ want to be his friend at all. Having flown from Shanghai to LAX, Kun had thought he might be greeted nicely, but he wasn’t even greeted altogether. Which completely went against their plan to begin with.

Johnny was supposed to pick up Kun at the airport and then they would go back to his place. Nothing major for the first day, but just a little something for paparazzi to pick up on. Instead, Kun is standing in LAX at quarter to midnight with no way to get to wherever he’s supposed to go. He’s half considering calling Victoria, but she probably has more important things to deal with.

Whatever, Kun is a big kid now and can handle a minor setback like this. If Johnny Suh is going to be a dick, then Kun can stay in the fanciest hotel on his dime. Kun had several more memos and messages from various people about things. One of them mentioned how Kun’s credit cards won’t work for twelve hours, so he can have Johnny’s info just in case. They probably wouldn’t have expected this though.

Kun grabs his suitcase, pulls out his phone and walks out the sliding doors onto the footpath outside. It’s stupidly hot for the middle of the night and Kun considers taking his mask off. He’s not the most recognizable considering he’s on a completely separate continent. Pausing for a moment, Kun removes the mask, and before he can call up the hotel he wants to go to (three thousand a night, that should teach Johnny Suh to stand him up at the airport), someone takes his picture and he squints since the flash is so bright in the dark night.

 _Amazing_ , he thinks, _Paparazzi already_. Kun ignores the camera and walks down the sidewalk to another terminal. He sits down on a bench and decides that he might not be able to call like this, so he should Uber a cab to the hotel then deal with them then. The paparazzi snaps a few more shots of Kun, coming down the same sidewalk. Kun sighs and pulls his mask up, this really isn’t what he wanted to deal with today.

For one day and one day only, Kun would like to pretend to be an American with no responsibilities. Just to decompress. Kun calls a cab and the app on his phone says it will be here in seven minutes, so all he has to do is wait while the paparazzi snaps photos. Most celebrities would be rude, but Kun isn’t some D-list actor that doesn’t give a fuck (Kun will leave that job up to Johnny). Being rude doesn’t help either of them.

“Mr. Qian, can I get your comment on the rumor that you’re here to meet up with a secret boyfriend?” One bold reporter asks and Kun wants to rip his hair out. None of this would be happening if Johnny had just sent one of his people to come get him.

“No comment,” Kun replies. He’s too tired to correct them on the pronunciation of his name or the fact that he actually has a title. But whatever, it’s fine. Everything is fine, and look, there’s Kun’s cab, just in time. Kun leaves the paparazzi behind and climbs into his Uber. His driver confirms where he’s going and the rest of the ride is silent, to Kun’s delight.

Fifteen minutes later, Kun is in front of the nicest hotel in Los Angeles, the Astro. Kun thanks his driver and gets out, pulling his face mask up a little higher to try and hide from any other paparazzi that might be lurking around.

Once inside the hotel, Kun removes his face mask. In this case, he almost wants to be recognized so no one gives him a hard time for using a credit card that isn’t his.

“Hi, how may I help you, sir?” asks the woman behind the counter.

“Hi, I need to book a room for tonight,” Kun says. “The nicest one you’ve got available please.”

“Name?”

“Johnny Suh,” Kun lies. If he’s buying a room with Johnny’s credit card, it only makes sense that he should pretend to be him.

“You already have one of our nicest rooms booked for the night.” This surprises Kun and the lady behind the counter seems ready to throw him out unless he comes up with a good lie.

“Oh, my mistake then. My agent must have made the reservation for me,” Kun corrects, trying to believe every word he says to sell the lie.

“Then how have you already checked in?” Motherfucker, Kun knew he should have called ahead. How the hell is he supposed to get out of this one? Kun looks to his left as there’s a loud shout from the bar in the hotel. Oh good lord, Johnny Suh is over there and by the looks of it, just bought everyone a free drink.

“Never mind,” Kun replies.

“But sir—” Security is probably about to get called on Kun, but he’s found Johnny in the end so what does it really matter. Kun makes his way over to the bar without issue and comes up behind Johnny who’s getting far too handsy with some girl. Kun clears his throat and Johnny turns around, smiling, then his face falls and Kun almost wants to laugh, but instead he just gives Johnny a pointed glare.

“Hi there, Kun,” Johnny greets, and Kun can tell he doesn’t want to drop his movie star persona when there’s still a girl clinging onto him.

“Can we help you?” the girl says, looking annoyed at Kun. _Be diplomatic, be diplomatic, be diplomatic._

“I don’t know… My squishums here somehow got away from me,” Kun replies, pinching Johnny’s cheek for added effect. It’s petty and fits with his goal for these three months, which is how everything Kun does should go. The girl looks at Johnny and drops her jaw before walking away as Kun lets go of Johnny’s face.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Johnny points out, actor persona basically gone.

“And you didn’t need to leave me at the airport all alone. But you did. So I’ll consider cock blocking you a form of payback,” Kun counters and Johnny frowns.

“How did you even find me?” Johnny asks, completely disregarding Kun’s point which only proves it further.

“I came here because I know it’s one of the nicest hotels around and I have _your_ credit card information.”

“You have my what?” Johnny’s eyes widen and he finally seems to be taking Kun seriously. “Who gave you that?”

“Your people, as a ‘just in case.’ My cards won’t be active for another day or so.” It’s only twelve hours, but the less Johnny knows the better clearly.

“Fuck,” Johnny mutters.

“Also security might be trying to throw me out any minute because I tried to book a room under your name and it didn’t work,” Kun recites. 

“And why would I help you?”

“Because there’s already rumors about me coming here to meet up with some boyfriend of mine and if I have no where to stay tonight I’m sure it will look _great_ for you to have abandoned your boyfriend who came so far to see you,” Kun points out.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Your image.”

“I’m not the one who’s going to be running anything back home. My image doesn’t matter. I have four cousins and an older sister that can do the job just fine.” Kun is bluffing, but he can’t let Johnny know that he’s bluffing. He wants Johnny to think that everything Kun says is one hundred percent true and that Kun isn’t afraid of doing things that will fuck them both over.

“Alright fine,” Johnny concedes. “Let's go back up to my room for the night.” Kun hums and pulls his suitcase along behind him as he walks with Johnny over to the elevators. Thankfully, no security has come for him yet which would actually be quite embarrassing and bad for his image back home and in the states. Especially because it seems like no one other than the paparazzi have even heard of him, but that’s okay.

They go up the elevator in silence, the floors ticking by until they are at the very top. Johnny gets out first, brushing Kun’s shoulder who follows him down the hall to his room. Johnny opens the door and Kun is surprised the room isn’t trashed. In fact, nothing has been touched.

“Why did you rent a room when you haven’t even been in here at all?” Kun asks.

“I’m avoiding my manager,” Johnny confesses and Kun cocks an eyebrow, placing his suitcase on the stand.

“And why is that?”

“Because I didn’t want to see _you_.” Wonderful, he’s an asshole on top of everything else. Kun doesn’t reply and instead pulls out his toiletries bag. He is going to get the best sleep of his sleep in this crazy fancy hotel whether or not Johnny Suh hates him. “You’re not going to ask why?” Kun turns towards Johnny.

“The bar of expectation for you is already low, but you haven't even reached it yet. I’ve literally done nothing to you and you’re already being an ass for absolutely no reason,” Kun says casually, walking past Johnny to go into the huge double bathroom as Johnny follows behind him.

“I’m not a member of the _royal family in China_ of all places,” Johnny defends. “You _are_ aware of all the shitty things that your government has done?” Kun slams his bag on the counter and glares at Johnny.

“No, I don’t think _you_ get it,” Kun replies, walking towards Johnny, cornering him against the wall. “I am not condoning the actions of the government, but you’re one to talk considering you’re an _American_ for Christ’s sake.”

“The difference is that I have no political power,” Johnny points out. Neither of them are touching but the electricity between them is palpable.

“Who says that I have any?” Kun counters. “I’m a gay man in a country that is just beginning to like me. I push for gay rights, but I’m constantly told I’m too liberal and I’m moving too fast. Not to mention the fact that I have only been eligible to be a member of the government for a few years... Or did you forget how old I am?” Johnny fumbles and Kun is satisfied for now. Kun walks back to the sink and pulls out his tooth brush. “I don’t make the rules, Johnny Suh, I just play by them.”

Johnny slams the door of the bathroom on his way out.

* * *

That’s the way things go with Kun and Johnny for weeks. In front of the camera and while they do interviews, they are the epitome of love, and Kun has to give Johnny credit for what a good actor he is. They agreed early on that they would continue to be gross around each other even while cameras aren’t rolling to really sell it.

But once they return to Johnny’s house at night, all bets are off and Johnny is usually silent or mean. And Kun is sick of it. Johnny hates Kun for something he can’t control and one of these days he’s going to slap Johnny for being a hypocritical asshole.

The worst part of it for Kun is when they are in front of the cameras. Johnny is so doting and kind to Kun. Half the time, he’ll even partially believe that Johnny is turning over a new leaf, but then the illusion is broken before Kun can even act on it.

But Kun is tired of being dragged around like this. They can’t stop being romantic and things in public, but maybe Johnny can stop being such an ass to him. The two of them are on their way to a coffee shop, mostly as a set up for cute pics in the newspaper tomorrow, but Kun’s question can’t wait any longer, so he pushes Johnny into the nearest alley and before Johnny can say anything Kun puts his hand over Johnny’s mouth.

“I need to ask you something, and there’s literally no other time I can ask it,” Kun says, prepping for Johnny’s backlash. “And before you get mad at me pushing you, if I had asked you to walk into an alley with me would you have actually said yes?” Kun removes his hand, bracing for impact.

“What is it? And you’re right. No, I wouldn’t have,” Johnny admits.

“Can you please stop being a complete ass to me when we are at home? I get you don’t _really_ like me, but could we—” Kun doesn’t get to finish his sentence as Johnny is pressing him up against the side of a building and kissing him. This is so much more than the normal pecks that the two of them share in public.

“At least pretend you’re enjoying this,” Johnny mumbles against Kun’s lips who snaps into action and throws his arms around Johnny and kisses back with everything he’s got. Kissing for the entertainment of others really isn’t something on Kun’s job requirement, but this job gets stranger as the days go by.

Kun doesn’t know where this is going, they are kind of just pressing their mouths together, but Johnny slips his tongue into Kun’s mouth and all of a sudden they are full on making out. Resisting the urge to make any noise, Kun tries to keep his mind from thinking too hard about what’s going on, and instead just tries to go with the flow.

Johnny holds Kun’s waist and rubs little circles into his hips which is the last straw for Kun and he whines into Johnny’s mouth who just lets out a pleased hum. Kun forgets that there are people around and loses himself in the kiss until he needs a breath of air. One quick breath and Johnny is already pulling him back for more.

Kun kisses as long as he can, but he can only go for so long. Sadly for Kun and Johnny, the paparazzi aren’t leaving anytime soon, but Kun and Johnny are kinda tired of kissing. Kun’s mouth is practically bruised and he’s in dire need for air, so he pulls away, but keeps Johnny’s face close to his so reporters can’t read his lips.

“I think we need to like, go on our coffee date now,” Kun mumbles against Johnny’s ear and he nods.

“You’re right, but how do we get past them? They aren’t even trying to be subtle,” Johnny points out and Kun thinks for a second. They are in an alleyway and the cafe they are trying to get to is around the corner, but past the reporters.

“Is this a through alley?” Kun asks, biting Johnny’s ear softly.

“Yeah.”

“And is there a good cafe on that street?”

“Yeah.”

“Do we turn left or right?”

“Left.” Johnny wants to ask something, but Kun doesn’t give him the chance. He kisses Johnny once more on the mouth then splits them apart.

“How fast can you run?” Kun teases before sprinting off down the alley. Johnny chases after him at a surprising speed, but Kun still beats him to the mouth of the alley and skids to an almost stop to turn and race down the block, looking for a cafe to duck into. A bubble tea place stands out in Kun’s peripheral and he glances behind him to see Johnny only five feet away with no reporters in sight. They dash into the boba shop together and immediately move to the back of the restaurant. 

A few people give them strange looks, but Kun doesn’t mind them, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a face mask, to which Johnny does the same. Johnny is arguably the more recognizable one of the two and now really isn’t a good time for people to start recognizing either of them. Kun just wants a normal fake date with Johnny.

Once in their masks, Johnny runs a hand through his hair and takes Kun’s hand as they get in line, while still trying to be the least visible through the windows as is possible.

“Do you know what you want?” Johnny asks. “I’ve been here a lot, so I always get the same thing.”

“I really like classic milk tea with pudding and red bean,” Kun says.

“That’s quite a combination,” Johnny comments, but Kun can tell he has further thoughts on the matter.

“If you don’t like it, make your comment now,” Kun replies. “I know you have an opinion that you’ll phrase rudely just to piss me off, so I’d rather get it over with.” Johnny shoots Kun a quick glare. Kun knows he broke the rule about not mentioning how they don’t like each other, but he’s really tired of being treated shitily.

“It’s just not what I would order…” Johnny trails off. “I also think it’s probably gross.”

“Thanks for getting it over with.” Kun doesn’t look at Johnny, but also doesn’t make the move to pull their hands away. Johnny squeezes Kun’s hand and Kun looks at him because of instinct. “What?”

“Do you hate me?” Johnny asks quietly. This isn’t the place or the time or the _anything_ , but Kun’s world seems to slow down.

“No,” Kun mumbles. “I didn’t like you at first, but I really didn’t hate you.”

“Oh.” The top of Johnny’s ears turn pink, so Kun is sure his cheeks are also plenty rosy, but he doesn’t feel smug over making Johnny embarrassed. Just tired.

“Hi, what can I get you?” the man behind the counter asks and the moment is over.

* * *

Kun never gets to tell Johnny to stop being an asshole to him because it just stops. All the things that had been driving Kun crazy— being ignored, spending zero time together at Johnny’s house, eating alone— all of it suddenly stopped.

Over dinner, Kun is beginning to feel suspicious. Johnny tries to make some conversation with him, but it doesn’t always stick like it does when they are in public. This is real Johnny making an effort, not actor Johnny.

“Can I ask you something?” Kun asks and he can tell by the look on Johnny’s face that he’s holding back saying, ‘you already did.’

“Yeah, shoot.” 

“What’s up? Every night before this one, you were nothing but rude to me and then all of a sudden after the incident in the boba place, everything has been almost normal,” Kun says.

“I thought you hated me from the beginning, so I decided I hated you too, even if I had no reason too,” Johnny begins. “I’ve been nothing but a total asshole to you in the time that we’ve spent together for the past month.”

“Yeah, you have, but I’ve been mean right back. It’s just been hard to have you treat me like god’s gift from heaven, then treat me like trash within an hour,” Kun confesses. “What I wanted to ask you earlier is if you would start treating me like a friend.”

“Okay, I can do that,” Johnny decides, nodding. “Is there anything else we should do differently?”

“For the cameras or in general?” Kun counters.

“Either.”

“For the cameras, you have everything nailed. You’re a really good actor.” Johnny beams and Kun can’t help but bite his lip at how Johnny lights up. “I mean, I’m not an actor, but I think I would be better at acting along if we felt more like a real couple. Like we don’t have to kiss, but feeling closer together I suppose.”

“How about sleeping in my bed with me?” Johnny offers and Kun nods, slightly embarrassed to even be excited about the idea at all.

“Yeah, like that.” They wrap up dinner and drop off their dishes in the kitchen and walk upstairs together. Kun’s been sleeping in one of the spare rooms while Johnny, naturally, sleeps in his own bed. In fact, Kun has only seen Johnny’s room once or twice.

“I’m going to put my pajamas on,” Kun says, splitting away from Johnny and heading into his room. He pauses, pressing his back against the door and staring at his ceiling. This is new. But not bad. There’s a small cluster of butterflies in Kun’s stomach and he’s tempted to call Victoria and talk about them, but she’s only just waking up and Johnny’s waiting for him. Not to mention that Victoria would only tease him and not _actually_ be that helpful.

Kun sighs and goes to get undressed. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror before he’s done changing, Kun can’t help but feel slightly self conscious about his looks. Why he’s even feeling this way over sharing a bed with the same guy he’s been pretending to date for over a month now, Kun doesn’t really want to think about. So he doesn’t. He turns away and pulls on his pajama pants. For good measure, he should brush his teeth as well. During that, he doesn’t look at the mirror either.

Knocking on Johnny’s door feels so formal, but Kun also doesn’t want to catch him with his pants down, so knocking really is his safest bet. Johnny opens the door and Kun smiles.

“Hi again,” Kun greets. He feels so much more awkward now than he did literally only five minutes ago, but he really can’t help it. Sleeping next to each other is much more intimate than Kun was expecting Johnny to suggest. 

“Hi,” Johnny mumbles. “I already brushed my teeth, so we can sleep whenever you feel like.”

“I’m honestly tired from the day we had,” Kun admits. “I know it’s barely nine, but stressful situations have a way of making me sleep like a grandpa.” Johnny laughs and they walk further into Johnny’s room.

His room is unsurprisingly large, but the canopy that hangs above the bed is what Kun’s eyes are immediately drawn to. The canopy is slightly sheer and white. Kun walks over and climbs in under the covers but doesn’t lay down.

“Which side do you normally sleep on?” Kun asks. “I would feel bad if I took it.” Kun bites back any embarrassment because he’s honestly getting sick of being so shy and embarrassed, even if his public image isn’t anything like that.

“Right, normally.” Johnny idles on one side of the bed and Kun slides over so Johnny can climb in. “Do you want to talk about something before we go to bed?”

“I’m not sure.” Kun lays flat, so he’s next to Johnny and they both stare up at the top of the canopy. “I really like the thing you have hanging above your bed.”

“Thank you,” Johnny replies. “It really wasn’t even my idea, but I decided to give a lot of creative control of this whole place to my interior designer because she understood what I liked and didn’t like, but she also knew I can’t be trusted to make decisions.”

“Is that true for other parts of your life?” Kun asks. It’s a bit of a personal question, but Kun can’t help his curiosity.

“I would think so. I’m styled by someone. Most of my roles are chosen by someone. My relationship was chosen by someone.” 

“That must suck,” Kun comments. “I don’t know exactly what that’s like, but I still feel a lack of control in what I do. There’s a lot of expectations to follow and that limits my time a lot. I have to make sure x, y and z are dealt with before even thinking about something that I actually value.”

“It’s the worst.” Johnny chuckles. “I both hate and love my life, and that’s not something lots of people understand. Most people assume being an actor is easy and I live the most cushy life imaginable, but it’s a lot of work, and while I wouldn’t do the work if I didn’t respect the craft and understand why I need to do it, it’s still annoying to be shoved into a box that doesn’t really fit.”

“Retweet,” Kun mutters. “I’m treated as the gay token for everything which is _so_ much more annoying than you would think it is. If I do even the smallest thing wrong, I’m setting a bad example for the whole community and it drives me absolutely crazy.” 

“You’re so valid,” Johnny agrees. “But can I switch topics really quick to ask you something?”

“Go right ahead,” Kun replies.

“Why did you agree to fake date me?” Johnny asks and Kun pauses for a moment. Did no one tell him? Granted, no one told Kun about why Johnny agreed, but he had brushed it off as the reason not being as important.

“Because China’s economy is back sliding a bit, which is to be expected after such a crazy amount of growth, but most people back home aren’t economists, so I’m dating you to distract them. Which is a bit demeaning, but I’m making it work clearly,” Kun explains. “What about you?”

“Because it would be good for my image,” Johnny says. “My agent thought it would be good for me, and I was getting quote unquote too involved in things, so I should get a boyfriend to chill me out.” Kun can’t help but laugh at that. That’s so far from what this really has been.

“That was a bad call from your agent.”

“I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Oh.” For a moment, the two of them are silent, Kun deciding whether or not he wants to think about what Johnny really means or not, Johnny thinking about who knows what. “Are you ready for bed?” If Johnny says no, they can talk about this, and if he says yes, Kun can shove all his thoughts away for another day. Or for never. Really anytime but now. 

“I think I’m ready to sleep,” Johnny says. _Oh sweet Jesus, thank you_. Bullet has been dodged and can be procrastinated.

“Okay, how do you like to sleep?” Kun asks. “I don’t want to make you try and sleep in a weird way.”

“Normally, I just curl up on my side.” Kun can do that. He will face away and also sleep on his side. Problem solved. “But I wouldn’t mind cuddling if that’s what you’re up for.” _Damn it_ . Now that the option is on the table, Kun has to vote for cuddling. Because cuddling is great and even though Chenle claims he’s too old for it now, every time they hang out together, they end up curling up and it’s great because Chenle always smells like strawberries and reminds Kun that there _is_ good in the world.

“How do we cuddle?” Kun asks. “I’ve cuddled my little cousins plenty of times before, so I can spoon you, if you would like.”

“That’s different. Any other time I’ve cuddled someone in the past, I’ve always had to be the big spoon because I’m taller.”

“That’s dumb, I’m the best big spoon to ever exist and I’m not super tall.” Kun turns on his side, so he’s facing Johnny and Johnny turns over. Forcing back his nerves, Kun wraps his arms around Johnny and pulls himself as close as he can, nestling his head in the crook of Johnny’s neck. He smells faintly of hair spray, axe and hazelnut which is quite the combination, but Kun doesn’t mind it.

Kun isn’t sure when Johnny drifts off, but he sleeps the fastest he has since he’s been in the States.

* * *

“Doing a photoshoot for a magazine feels so fancy,” Kun says after the stylist has left the room. He and Johnny are dressed to the nines for an interview and pictures that Kun didn’t expect to have to do.

“It does the first few times. Then it becomes less fun when fewer people are interviewing you because they think you’re talented and deserve the attention and more that you’re the story that people seem to care about. So even if they don’t want to, they have to come interview you,” Johnny rambles and Kun freezes. “Okay, I didn’t mean to freak you out, but it’s just something I’ve picked up on.”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Let’s get into character a bit, okay?” Kun nods and Johnny closes the distance between them and kisses Kun softly. When he pulls away, the look in his eyes is one of love which is so different from how he was looking at Kun only ten seconds ago that it throws him off kilter. But Kun doesn’t think about that now. Instead, he thinks about how much he should love and adore Johnny and let’s himself wallow in those feelings.

“I think I’m ready, babe,” Kun says and Johnny takes his arm.

The only thing Kun can think about during the interview is how pretty Johnny looks in eye shadow. And the fact that he’s already been here for three months. Which means that he should be going home within a few weeks at max. That’s freaking Kun out way more than it probably should. 

Nothing lasts forever, or even as long as he would like, but that’s just life. Yet this thing he can’t shove away. Even getting into character and shoving out the thoughts he doesn’t need to be having right now isn’t working.

The interview passes in a complete haze, Kun nodding along and adding things where needed. Even answering one or two questions directly at him without any troubles at all. But once the interview is over the room feels shockingly empty. 

They were interviewed at Johnny’s house, so everyone begins to pack away their things. Johnny and Kun don’t move, but are careful to not break character at all, though Kun feels like he’s losing a grip on his the more the days go on. How on Earth do actors do this and not feel whatever it is that their character is feeling at any given point? Because Kun is starting to wonder if he actually has feelings for Johnny.

Once everyone is gone, Kun gets up and is about to do something, but he doesn’t remember. This is the worst. Maybe he wanted food or something to drink. Kun turns around to ask Johnny what he has in his fridge, but Johnny is staring at his lap, hands clenched into fists. Okay, so maybe there are more important things to deal with.

“Kun?” Johnny’s voice is tight and he won’t quite meet Kun’s eyes. “What are we?”

“I’m not sure, if I’m being honest,” Kun admits, sitting down on the stupid love seat where he and Johnny had been sitting for over an hour. “But this is really unexpected.”

“Did the things we did on camera mean as much as to you as it meant to me?” Johnny asks. He sounds upset, but his words are more curious than anything hurtful.

“No,” Kun sighs. “I should have told you a long time ago I catch feelings easily. I am literally the worst person to fake date because I can’t separate reality and fiction like that.”

“The only reason I can, is because it’s my fucking job.” Johnny sighs, sitting so he faces Kun and finally looks at him. “I know if I had been anyone else, maybe even a celebrity still, I wouldn’t be able to resist you.” Kun’s voice catches in his throat. His head is swimming a bit and he’s overwhelmed, but he can’t deny that this is something they need to talk about.

“Really?” Kun asks, still in utter disbelief.

“Really.”

“For the record,” Kun begins. “I’m not really sure how to date you or even if my feelings are rock solid.” Are they just so good at pretending to date that it suddenly feels like real dating or are there real feelings here that only came to light after spending more time together?

“I can answer the first part. According to the public we’ve been together for a little under three months. What if we never tell them it was a lie? You talk to your parents and I’ll talk to my management and we just continue on,” Johnny suggests, but Kun shakes his head.

“I have no worries about the politics of it, I want to know how to date Johnny Suh, the real version of you. I’ve gotten some glimpses and recently you’ve been better about showing it when it’s just us, but I’m still more comfortable around Johnny Suh, teen heartthrob. And I want that to change,” Kun says. “Like there are lots of parts of me you really haven’t gotten to see yet and I want to let you get to know every bit of me.” 

Kun reaches out and puts his hand over one of Johnny’s which seem to have relaxed as they’ve spoken. Johnny grabs Kun’s hand and gives it a light squeeze.

“So let's try to continue on?” Johnny clarifies.

“Yeah. Let’s just stick where we are. But I don’t want to start going too fast. I’m really okay with us going really slow at first. Especially because we only got to this point as a way to try and appease a public that we were lying to,” Kun rationizes. “I’m just not ready for anything more. Being a public figure is enough to manage on its own.”

“Believe me, I get that completely,” Johnny replies, leaning in a bit closer to Kun, close enough where Kun could easily kiss Johnny. “To new beginnings.” Kun connects their lips in a chaste kiss then pulls away from Johnny a few inches.

“To new beginnings.” 

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/occultclysms)   
>  [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.qa/carrotyeol)


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